thoughts

Thoughts / Everything and Nothing

My attempt to make this a daily writing space has not quite panned out the way I'd imagined. In fact, it has crashed and burned. The ashes are sparse, long gone, disbursed around this apartment among the dust. There are so many things I want to say, but have no place to say them now that my tumblr is gone.

Tonight I met with someone I know for a movie. Whenever I'm talking to him it feels like he's not listening. It's as if I am opening my mouth and speaking, but the sound is only going right through him instead of to his brain. After about an hour of almost meaningless chit chat, the movie began. My eyes were glued to the screen as Jesse Eisenberg wooed me into a dark, dark place in my mind which I had been avoiding for months. The movie was The Double, which is based on a book I never read and wish I did. There was a quote that repeated twice in the film that resonated in a place much deeper than I'd prepared for the night. Snap, my world went crashing back through time.

When the movie finished, I decided to walk through the park instead of take the tram home. For many steps, the only people in sight were couples of the evening hours, roaming through the poorly lit trails of the grassy miles ahead. The sound of the wind swirling through my ears was almost cinematic. Prague's city center looked appalling, hypnotizing, alluring. I walked up to the abandoned view point and took a photo with my phone. Instinct forced my head back to find a man exiting the seemingly empty glass building behind me. Head down, I left immediately. Clunk, clunk, clunk went my black and white brogues with me.