thoughts

Thoughts / Learning to Play Sex Like a Porn Star

As I was browsing my Facebook Newsfeed this evening I came upon another tip for my sex life by my absolute favorite blog, Refinery29.com 

Though I usually love their content and relish the few minutes a day I get to glance over their latest relationship column, this particular photo of the infamous pornstar, Stoya, made me feel a little nauseous. The headline reads, The BEST Sex Advice, Courtesy Of Stoya. Seriously? After all of their usual confidence-boosting posts about the female anatomy and even lists of recommended pleasure toys, this made me shudder.

Do I want sex advice from a porn star? Does sex have to be like porn? Does porn = true sex life?

Having my own personal issues with the use of pornography in the bedroom, my immediate answers were NO. Absolutely not! Why on earth should porn be help up on a pedestal and praised as an intimacy standard?!

1. Most female bodies do not resemble those of porn stars. Most male bodies do not resemble those of porn stars.
2. The reason these women and men are totally shaved is so that the camera can pick up more gruesome footage. See Caitln Moran's How To Be a Woman.
3. Faking an orgasm, aka what these moaning actors are doing, doesn't get you anything in life but a bottle of Prozac.

As it's been mentioned in countless blogs, documentaries, and feminist pamphlets, the pornography cookie cutter is causing much more damage than most of us realize. . I don't consider myself an "aggressive feminist," holding picket signs and hating men, but I do believe in the importance of being a woman. 

In the short introduction to Miss Stoya's email address at R29, the author brags about how many photos of male anatomy the star has already gotten since the announcement. Great, here's another bitch to compare ourselves to, right? Should we even bother to ask how many of those guys have significant others? 

What I'm really trying to say here is that we don't need another wet dream telling us how to shave our lady parts, how to properly please a dude, or whatever. It's called trial and error. It's called conversation. It's called asking, "Hey babe, what would you like to try in bed today?" and committing to a successful intimate experience for the both of you.

If you are using porn as a standard with your partner (or one night stand, who cares!), you are doomed to fail and feel self conscious forever. In conclusion, I will not be reading Stoya's advice on sex, self confidence, or things to try. She can go fuck herself - literally. Oh wait, she already has...